Still Scared. Yeah, I Know.

Jesus, maybe I will always be scared.

I mean, my whole life has been spent in a state of abject fear over something and perhaps that contributed greatly to those years being spent as an asshole. Combined of course with absolutely no exposure whatsoever to anything in the real world for long enough to act or react and all info coming from books and later on some tv and more books.

So, in the real world, amongst other people, I have no clue.

It is not a comfortable life, quite the opposite. It is filled with fear, worry, angst, depression and profound loneliness.

This leads to acts of desperation and the mind creates an entire fantasy world based on the rather limited information that is available. These fantasy worlds can be pretty far ‘out there,’ I assure you. Ha! They all sound great to me, though! They all share one thing in common, me giving pleasure. I cannot see why that is so bad, but, apparently it really, really is.

All compounded by the fact that I am utterly insane to begin with. They insist that I am not, by the way. Do not believe them. ‘They,’ in this case being the mental health professionals that have been trying to sort me out for decades. I must say, though, that the new guy is pretty damn good and has taken me down the road a good way. Thanks, Peter!

Anyhoo, I dont know what to do. The future is actually looking rather pleasant.

Lately I have been somewhat successfully taking the practice in thing not quite so close to just go with the flow and watch the world go by. Many problems are solved as well by not answering the phone. The is only for scammers and pols, though!

This just in:
2:50pm 3/17/2016. Reality slaps Ig upside the head… It is still ruined. Just 99.44% now instead of 100. So Plan A is still on standby.

Perhaps I need to just give up on any idea that I might ever be happy.

Yeah. A capital idea.

Because…it’s just not going to happen.

Next life, maybe.

Maybe.

That is one hell of a maybe. Maybe I’ll come back as a rock.

Peace.