Sometimes, I Want To Die.

Harsh perhaps. But quite true.

Why?

Well, mainly because of the fact that every single thing that I have ever done, or ever even tried to do, regarding any factor in or part of life… ever… has failed.

Yep… every single one. No matter what.

Doesn’t generate good feelings about oneself.

Broke. Falling farther and farther and farther behind.

I did have a handful of friends. They say they still are. Maybe they still are. I don’t know anymore.

Same with family. Abandoned. Rejected.

The worst thing is being alone. So god damned alone. There has never been a significant other. I do not believe that there ever will be one. I don’t. Just try and convince me. Go on. Go ahead. I am, apparently, rather repulsive. Or so evidence suggests.

And so, I often think up ways to make it all stop.

A couple got the girl I love upset because I put them on Facebook.

That was heartening. Almost like there is actually a light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope there is. You can’t believe how much I hope that.

I hope some day, some way, at a point before my deathbed comes, that I will finally, finally, do something right.

Peace.

3 comments on “Sometimes, I Want To Die.”

I do still have a few friends. So few. But numbers and friendship are irrelevant. More than one is a grand thing. But they’re all out of reach. Some will write or comment or on a rare night call. They keep me from snuffing it.

You. Me. UB film dept. Later: 1979 AES Convention. “OOOOaaaaa, Digital!” Hanging at KK’s barn apt in Sharon CT. Yes? I hope you’re still around!

admin on October 7, 2013 at 3:29 pm said:

Yes. It is I. Still around for the time being, need to be for my aunt, who I care for 24/7 except when she’s at the day care place. No other activities to speak of except Saturday visits to family. When she’s gone all bets are off, though, life’s pretty banal. People say good things will come. No supporting evidence 🙂 . Down today… some days are better.

I must say that it’s really very cool to hear from you after all these years. I sincerely hope you are well and at peace. Still making music?

This site was supposed to evolve into my go-to site. As you can see that hasn’t happened. My “work” site gets maybe 5 views a week. This less than that. My main blog was popular but it has fallen in sync with my depression. In therapy for same since a “friend” tried to kill me on Christmas eve last. Decided to finally sort out my mind, assuming that could ever happen.

Much peace, my old friend.

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iggymak on February 4, 2011 at 1:25 pm said:

I do still have a few friends. So few. But numbers and friendship are irrelevant. More than one is a grand thing. But they’re all out of reach. Some will write or comment or on a rare night call. They keep me from snuffing it.

doctecazoid on October 7, 2013 at 3:00 pm said:

You. Me. UB film dept. Later: 1979 AES Convention. “OOOOaaaaa, Digital!” Hanging at KK’s barn apt in Sharon CT. Yes? I hope you’re still around!

- admin on October 7, 2013 at 3:29 pm said:
  
  Yes. It is I. Still around for the time being, need to be for my aunt, who I care for 24/7 except when she’s at the day care place. No other activities to speak of except Saturday visits to family. When she’s gone all bets are off, though, life’s pretty banal. People say good things will come. No supporting evidence 🙂 . Down today… some days are better.
  
  I must say that it’s really very cool to hear from you after all these years. I sincerely hope you are well and at peace. Still making music?
  
  This site was supposed to evolve into my go-to site. As you can see that hasn’t happened. My “work” site gets maybe 5 views a week. This less than that. My main blog was popular but it has fallen in sync with my depression. In therapy for same since a “friend” tried to kill me on Christmas eve last. Decided to finally sort out my mind, assuming that could ever happen.
  
  Much peace, my old friend.