I am thinking that karma is coming around to give me what’s coming to me. Not feeling anywhere near 100%.
Some of this is surely my life-long pig-headed stubbornness interfering in my health care.
But deep down inside I feel that at it’s root it is much deserved payback for a life spent as an asshole. And trust me, I am still, to this day, a superb example of one, exceeding any and all specifications.
When I let recent aquiantences know, they invariably scoff… but this is only because of my efforts the past few years to not be one. Even with such efforts it still pops out sometimes and causes me tears on occasion. It takes a tremendously strong mind to stop… one I can’t imagine yet.
Some of the things I’ve done and not done will haunt me at least till I die and maybe even afterwards. They bring immediate and plentiful tears. Mind you, they span over fifty years. So there are quite a few, shall we say.
It makes me want to stop being alive. Don’t have the courage for that, though.
So when I am older I will be blind with no jaw… yeesh.