Not so good, chemically. In the brainpan, I mean. Wondered if it would feel better post-Ayahuasca. Want to try it! Need a guide, though, need to find a really excellent one. I’ve been wanting to explore other dimensions. This one and I have not been blending well at all, these days.
My mind. Shot. Yeah. Been messing up so badly. Ruined everything. Although I didn’t do it alone. Still. Awful. Makes me wish I didn’t have to wait so long to exit.
But some really get upset about my exit. If it is any comfort to those rare individuals, I don’t think I have it in me to actually do it. Maybe, though. The universe has been coming up with some pretty odd stuff.
I just don’t know what to make of it and what needs to be dealt with is so far out of my depth it’s not even funny. I could be dead right know, but there is obviously more to come. Torture, most likely.
It is said these are lessons. Well, alright, As a strong advocate of cosmological connectedness I can accept that, but this is then one Hell of a University. I guess this one is not planning on kicking me out like Franconia did for a little LSD induced weirdness…no… this must be that dimension that Frank spoke of wherein the torture never stops.
Cheer up they say. NEVER say that to a person in depression. Very bad thing. Pfff. Some days are not so bad. The meds which I initially raved about do a good job but produce their own level of angst and worry. Maybe because I can see through all the bullshit that most cannot…I continue them but adjust the volume if the “virtual glass wall” becomes too apparent. It is strange stuff. I can think through it, though…that is what had me worried. So, good. I think.
My taste buds are slowly coming back. At least I think they are. Scary without them. A blood pressure medicine called Enalapril was the culprit. Not much else is following suit, though, but there are inklings. Aah. Whatever.
You have noticed the aesthetic changes that appear in the content sometimes. Expect more. I love ladies. To the point of idiocy. God will not permit me access to them for any reason exclusively for the purpose of torturing me until my brain turns to mush but I need and crave them. Their form is so perfect and I want to worship at least one before I go. I am one hundred percent confident that such a thing will never, ever happen. That only happens to other people. I dote on looking though and you will have to bear with me. Thanks.
Wow. Well, now what? No idea. I will keep on truckin.’ Keep on keepin’ on. I still must do my caregiving. Got to write more. This piece is fabulously incoherent, I bet, but it has been ever so long since I wrote anything longer than a few short paragraphs, if that.
I better walk, too. I used to walk. Yes, for the wrong reason. But now it is for the right reason and whatever the reason it is a great thing to do.
I can only hope for one or more deitic entities to take interest and smooth over some of the damage that has been done. There is such good potential. I doubt there’ll be a result, though, even with deitic smoothing.
But time will tell.