JAY ALLEN – BLANK STARES
Published on Apr 12, 2017
Get “Blank Stares”, now available on iTunes: https://goo.gl/x3Oznd
***ALL PROCEEDS GO TO ABE’S GARDEN***
My name is Jay Allen. I’m a country music artist and songwriter signed to Sony/ATV in Nashville, TN.
My mom has early onset Alzheimer’s, and at the age of only 52, she’s now showing signs of stage 6. It’s something that has affected my family deeply, something that we can’t escape, and it brings me to my knees most days.
I grew up in small town rural Iowa with mom(Sherry), dad(Joe), and my two baby sisters(Cassie and Amber). We didn’t have a lot, but our parents always seemed to find a way, sometimes working 2-3 jobs each to make sure we had enough. Looking back, it was a humbling childhood, but what I think affected me most was my mother’s affection and selflessness towards all of us. She always put her children first, no matter what the sacrifice. If we wanted some stupid toy for Christmas, she would work the overtime or pick up an extra shift. She didn’t care what it took, she just wanted us to be happy.
When I was in middle school, I remember asking my mom what she would change to make her life better if she could go back in time.
Her response was, “I wouldn’t change a thing. I was made to be a good mom. I live for you kids.”
Now that I’m older, I hold onto those words as I watch this horrible disease steal away a beautiful woman. Sometimes I want to yell at God when I hear her stumble through a simple sentence, or when I look at her and feel like she’s not even there anymore. It makes me so mad, and it kills me that I can’t fix it. But then there are the moments of hope, when dad brings her to visit Nashville and we dance all night at The Sutler…or when she grins and taps her foot to the live music…or when I wrap my arms around her, and she takes a deep breath and says, “I’ve missed you, Jay.”
Her words, the good memories, and the moments of joy – that’s what I hold onto.
As a songwriter and up-and-coming artist, I feel that I have an obligation to be a positive role-model, and to also give back by utilizing the gifts that God has blessed me with. In realizing the importance of this, I finally found the courage to write a song about my experience, called “Blank Stares”. My vision is that this song will raise awareness, bring hope to those affected, and most importantly, become a weapon in the fight against Alzheimer’s.
So please, download your copy of “Blank Stares” today, share, and dream with me. Music is powerful. Let’s do something with it.
With all my heart,
Written by Jay Allen and Jason Nix
Music produced by Jason Nix
Video produced by Steve Freeman
© Sony/ATV Music Publishing
I need to listen to this again. Maybe a couple more times. It sounded great, but I didn’t really hear it as I was crying my eyes out.
For over a decade my life was devoted to full time for my aunt who was taken by this incredibly awful disease. Incredibly awful doesn’t adequately describe how frightening it is … especially for the person who has it. I did it 24/7 and gave up working. It was for love, it taught me so much about what love is and it was I think also to give some some atonement for my disgusting neglect of my mom as a teen and early twenties self-centered asshole. Mom was taken by Multiple Sclerosis starting when I was ten years old and I cry myself to sleep every night asking her forgiveness. We had her home till we physically couldn’t and lucked out into the only good nursing home in the state for her last ten years and I hardly ever visited. I was and am a sack of shit. It’s one of the reasons I long for death … it’s simply what I deserve. She was a beautiful mommy and so devoted to us it took your breath away. She even turned me on to Forteana.
Oh God help us all.