It’s days like today that have me wondering about my viability as a human being. And the thoughts generated by said wondering are not really of a one hundred percent pleasurable sort. So what else is new, right?
The thrill of depression. “See the pros,” my friends say… “they’ll sort you out well and proper!” Not. Have seen some of them briefly through time. On the phone, too. I’m sorry, but, they were idiots. The lot of them. Seriously. They attempted to win my favor by plying me with the most patently false bullshit I have ever heard. Stuff that is proven to be patently false. I mean, really.
It’s going to be relatively balmy out today… over 50°F! Now that will do my heart good. And my attitude. Warmth I like. Yessirree. It will definitely help with snowbank reduction. And make me start to feel alive again.
I am avoiding acknowledgment of the fact that it is Valentine’s Day. This is mainly because women have always, always, seemed to find me much more repulsive than a cup of living, writhing Denebian slime worms and the subsequent fact that I have never experienced an actual “Valentine’s Day.” Which just frankly hurts, especially as I’m getting horribly, horribly old; the woman I love is well under forty, making that pretty much a non-starter, regardless of the occasional evidence, which my self delusional skills always make into something that is likely not true; and just the memories from the past. It all seems like such a pointless waste of a life. No joy here.
In perhaps a month or a bit it will be warm enough to lay on the ground for a seriously needed pad and rotor change on the Golf. I am assuming that the Garage By The Motorway will not be open to my coming and I am also assuming that I can round up the tooling, which should be possible in a reasonable time. They are scattered all throughout the hut, you see, mostly in the jumble of the basement. And a jumble it is. Also needed very, very badly is a valve cover gasket change.
Not to mention the recent discovery of the left top strut mount being ripped in half. I am not sure whether I should put the mounts on here at home or hire it out, as it will need an alignment, of course, in any event. Now that I think of it I will hire that out, as the glory days of air tools making life easy no longer are around and it could lead to a situation. Rose colored glasses… you know.
I have 69 followers on twitter at the moment. I find that amazing. Really amazing. Especially as a large percentage of them are industry folk from web design and related fields. And most of the time all they see is condensed versions of the depression induced blurb of the day or a retweet or tales of my driveway’s snow condition. Similar to what my Facebook friends see in content. But still it is the fact that they are industry pros… just seems strange. Maybe I’m some sort of morbid entertainment.
A lot of great web design content rolls by on my twitter timeline as a result of the lads and lasses. Really great stuff. Need to figure out a way to reconfigure my brain so that I can find the self esteem, motivation and time required to learn it all land implement it. It seems so daunting. I do not think that it should seem daunting at all. Must be that damn depression.
At the moment I am trying to decide on providing web hosting. Seems I should, really. But can I afford it? It’s not much money. Of course if I advertised it as I should it could well be a lot of money.
Money is not really available. I had no income to speak of for the longest time. To illustrate, I had a bad tire on the car. I did not get a new one until it actually went flat in my driveway without even moving. Such was it’s state. And even then the new one was subsidized.
I believe I must try this, though. As a web designer, I should offer my own hosting. Right? Right. It could actually increase the sales from strictly word of mouth referrals to, um, some other level. That would be cool. I could dig that.
Wish me luck. As I had previously mentioned, nothing I have ever attempted has resulted in success, including web designing, so I’ll need all the help I can get. I am, though, doing well with not smoking. That, like, I imagine, the rest of it, is all a matter of attitude. An attitude I must somehow acquire.
I am going to try to see to it that the restoration of heat to this hemisphere is going to result in a renewed self. That would likely be considered worthwhile. Will it work? Time will tell.
Time now to earn the lunch I just enjoyed.