I am informed that I am regularly beaten down to a quivering pulp because I am ‘too nice.’ While I’m thinking “Well, aren’t you supposed to be?” I am aware that precious few are even though I am told the opposite. Which may be true. I don’t know. I hardly get out.
There have been times when I was not so nice. No. I was f$#@%ng evil. That was the start of me really seriously hating myself instead of just hating myself. I thank any and every force and entity involved in killing that version of me and exchanging it for this empathic, loving and yet fantastically pathetic version.
Love is the way, volk. See previous posts re: love.
But back on topic, the evil … always it finds its way to me. Like a magnet. Sometimes in disguise. And now it is the worst incarnation yet, one that is potentially ruining another life that I love and pray is not ‘in on it.’ I need that innocence to exist so badly you cannot even fathom it.
I am buckling up.
It makes me feel so awful I want to scream until I collapse and maybe not wake up.